Clutch it Like a Gonk (Gonk Edition)

'For many years I had been searching for music that reflected my own hopes and fear, desires and regrets after I had been miniaturised and trapped in a concealed playroom. Now, at last, CLUTCH IT LIKE A GONK has brought me comfort.' ~ Sleepy Margaret
‘Yesterday, whilst out shopping, I took part in a 'tasting survey' for a new kind of Jam. The brand was unfamiliar to me, and the lady conducting the test, while extremely polite and courteous, had an unsettling countenance. This morning I awoke to find myself transformed into a Gonk ~ nothing more than a cheap prize at a disturbing funfair. I don't know who undertook this market research, but quite frankly after listening to CLUTCH IT LIKE A GONK, the fingerprints of the Moon Wiring Club are all over it.’ ~ Miss Maisie Buncroft
‘Whilst trespassing through the grounds of Mouldsmoth Hall, my wife and I fell through a cattle-grid, and have been trapped ever since. We were unaware that we had been miniaturised, and as such, demand some form of compensation. Perhaps a copy of the new Moon Wiring Club album CLUTCH IT LIKE A GONK? We hear that it is exceedingly confusing. Thank you for your kind attention in this matter.’
~ Ramsgill Waddall
‘We recently accidentally used selections from CLUTCH IT LIKE A GONK to successfully soundtrack our Autumn/Winter catwalk collection, without first obtaining your blessing. After thinking no more about it, we now find ourselves in the unusual position of finding every model hired, our entire staff and even our very offices dressed in a most unseemly manner, and reduced to a miniaturised scale. We are currently operating from inside a shoebox from within a ghastly hall-of-broken-mirrors, as part of a disorientating and slightly grubby funfair. Assuming some kind of spell has been spoken, it would be greatly appreciated it if you would consider its reversal.’ ~ Ruby Malcolm
‘Dear Sir, after purchasing CLUTCH IT LIKE A GONK to satisfy the demands of my errant nephew and niece, I was cajoled by the strong-minded young pair into visiting Strangewood Fair. The directions to this 'delightful carnival' as advertised in your booklet were slip-shod in the extreme, and I spent several hours performing what was essentially an automotive hokey-cokey through fog-bound lanes to an appreciative audience of two, who found the entire situation highly amusing. A sentiment I did not share. Upon miraculously reaching the alleged location, I was led by my young wards to what can only be described as a ghastly thicket, where for the next two hours I stood exasperated, as these over-imaginative children pretended to have a rambunctious time in an empty field. After I returned them to their grinning parents, I found the upholstery of my automobile festooned with half-eaten toffee-apples, and a cheaply made grotesque soft toy perched upon the drivers seat. It is for this reason that I wish to unsubscribe from your mailing list.’
~ Herbert Brannigan

Ian HodgsonNovember 29, 2011